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Hello:
this is the story of the life of Sella Mak, by jess xxx
one day there was a little (as in short) girl called sella, but actually her name is maggie suen (which is short for her REAL CHINESE NAME....). she woke up one day and looked in the mirror and screamed coz she thorught she was FAT ---actually OBESE! but what she didnt know was that nicki and jess (her fabulous, lovely and caring) friends had actually switched her mirror with a 'fat-enhancing' mirror. this was purely out of spite (which wasnt so nice of nic and jess) coz sella had rudely interuppted the viewing of the notebook and pride and prejudice with not very appropriate comments and random noises. also, she had very rudely called jess by a very nasty name (which is so not like sella to do coz she is just so nice -supposedly?!?)
so back to the story---> sella woke up in a fright thinking that she was overly obese. she screamed at a really high pitch (every higher than her really awful singing which sounds like a cat being strangled, of which jess can hear from her side of the boarding house) which made the 'fat-enhancing' mirror crack....(dramatic music playing!)
so could not bear being so fat that she immediately went to her stash of food hidden in the 'secret drawer' and started eating for comfort. that day at school she was so embarrased to see her idol as her bum was so majorly big that she had trouble getting into the dining room (for more food you see...) she was so humiliated that she accidently put her favourite £500 WHITE DESIGNER (der!) t-shirt into the washing machine with her BRIGHT PINK sweat-shirt. ooppsss..... when she found out that it had turned into a "granny" pink she FREAKED out and had a seizure. (sweet arrrr's)
the trouble was, she did NOT die....and so she kept freaking out that she was fat. every single picture she saw of herself she screamed in horror, at what she thought she saw, which was HUAGE thunder thighs (AKA LOVE ACTUALLY) and a huage BOTTOM. but again, unknown to sella, jess and nic had spitefully copied the pictures into PhotoEditor and stretched sella and massively slimmed down themselves (not that they really needed to coz they were already so thin etc)
so, all in all, this had been a bad time for sella, who slowly sank into depression and stayed in her room all the time. whenever jess and nic walked into her room all there was a person hunched back over the laptop with HUAGE round eyes (from watching too much ILLEGAL crap and porn ewww!) and there was generally not such a nice aroma around sella's presence. every so often sella would creep out of her room, again just to re-stock on food supplies.
jess and nic felt so bad (as they were sella's BESTEST friends...) and so they decided to go together to her room to cheer her up, but the thing was -coz she had eaten SO much she was actually OBESE (you see coz she wasnt really before....AT ALL). jess and nic felt even worse at sella's suicidal thoughts and so together they raised money by singing (real bad) and asking the TWINS to hold a charity concert, for sella's tummy tuck, liposuction (and while they were at it, botox and breast enlargement too -this is to PINEAPPLE sizes btw) and bought her these ultra-short skirts AKA LINDSAY LOHAN (shorter than a normal belt) for her to wear.
these acts of kindness brough sella much joy and actual thin-ness and she could be seen skipping into the distance and she lived happily ever after in hollywood....... (she also stayed friends with jess and nic forever and ever......)
sella's career rocketed after the plastic surgery. nowadays she can be seen surfing on the beaches of california and cruising through the streets of HOLLYWOOD in her wonderful car.................in her next blockbuster she can be seen starring alongside mischa barton (playing her TWIN SISTER!!!) she gets on so well with mischa that they are practically sisters and regularly meet up to walk their poodles...... she also meets up with lindsay for regular ~My skirt is the SHORTEST competitions....of which sella ALWAYS wins......
Her live-in "BUDDIES" (wink wink, nudge nudge) go by the names of UNIACKE and STEVO (but they are said to be unknowns in the showbiz industry) but just LAST WEEK she was romatically linked with EDISON CHEN and before that, one of the twins from pop-group THE TWINS and another twin from one of THE OLSENS ALL AT THE SAME TIME. her appearances are so alike to the olsen twins that she recently starred in a commercial advertising MARY-KATE and ASHLEY PERFUME. the advert, of which is said to be X-RATED, as sella and the other twin erotically repeat their names over and over.......
she also was on SNL the other night in preparation for the release of her no1 single song all about a VESPA>....... the video of which is AMAZING.
THE END.
(written by, yours truly, jess lai -the ever talented, gorgeous, slim and clever person) | 
